The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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