Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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