come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
