so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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