2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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