she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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