Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
