you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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