its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
