I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
