Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
