Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
