so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
