Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
