Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
