found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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