so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
