Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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