apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
