i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
