sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
