I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
