I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
