I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
