Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
