we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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