I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
