After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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