I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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