I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So much rum. So many feels.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
