one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
