I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
