Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
