Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
