If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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