It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
