He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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