Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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