I feel like I'm in dance class right now
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
