Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
