So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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