I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
