My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
