Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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