i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
