you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
