You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
