There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
