My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
