I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
