If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
