Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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