you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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