apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
