I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
