Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
