so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
