come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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